


Unsure feelings

by yoonela



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-04
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-18 04:58:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1415902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonela/pseuds/yoonela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuzuru and Javier were great friends since Japanese skater had moved to Toronto to trian under Brian Orser. Their coach was more than suprised how good they were getting along even they have a language barrier. They had great influances on each other motivating themself to be not only a better skater but also a better person and Brian knew it was one of the reasons why both of them were so succesful as a skaters. Yuzuru was the only one who was laughing over Javier’s lame jokes and the Spanish skater was the one who understands Yuzuru everytime when he has English blokes and couldn’t express what he meant. Brian forgot about his affair there is going to be a lot of rivality and conflicts between his students. He not only is their coach but also a makeshift parent and he noticed when something has changed between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first fanfic ever I'm going to publish. It is an effect of staying at hospital for 8 hours and having nothing better to do.  
> I'm still not sure how I'm going to end this fic and how many chapters is going to have.  
> English is not my first language so I'm so sorry for all mistakes and poor language but I hope you will be able to read it anyway.  
> Enjoy! ^^

Less than a month before winter olympics Javier and Yuzuru agreed they need some breath and relax between hard and stressful training. Spanish skater came with a idea of getting for a drink not caring that they wasn’t allowed to drink alcohol during a season.

„Javier… I’m still a minor in Japan…” Yuzuru wasn’t sure it was a good idea.

„Come on Yuzu! We’re in Canada now, did you forget?” Javier smiled and stared at his friend who seem like thinking hard about it.

„You’re right. We deserve the drink, right?” Yuzuru smirked and Javier happily clapped.

„Perfect! I know really nice place.”

They entered the club around 8 pm and found a place near the dancefloor. Perfect place for them as they loved dancing. Javier came to ordered their drink and Yuzuru pouted as he noticed his drink wasn’t looking as that in movies. Japanese boy looked at his friend who laughed.

„Cosmopolitan is so gay. Only girls drink it. Whisky with cola is more… for men.” Javier explained but Yuzuru still wasn’t happy about his drink.

At 10 pm both of them was having a great fun dancing and casually chatting with some girls. Javier was impressed by Yuzuru drinking skills when he was finishing his 5th or 6th drink.

„Brian is going to kill us tomorrow. I’m going to get a lecture about destroying cute Yuzu”. Javier laughed and got a bump from Yuzuru. He hates when they treated him like a child.

„Cute Yuzuru who is better than you in drinking and has more girls to flirt with.” Japanese boy smirked. „Anyway excuse me I promised some lady a dance with a ‘hot asian cutie’.”

Javier laughed even more but a little bit shocked Yuzuru is acting like that. He came back to his place and sat next to one of that girl who was trying to hook on him but he was keeping them on distance still remembering about his girlfriend.

After some time he paid his attention to Yuzuru who was still dancing with a blond girl definitely older than him. It was hard to call it dancing. She was rubbing her body over the boy her hands everywhere and desperately trying to kiss him but Yuzuru didn’t seem interested.

Javier giggled. ‘Here you are Mr. Flirting with every girl’. Japanese boy noticed Javier’s eyes on them and looked at his friend terrified.

'HELP ME' he said without sound and Javier exploded with laughter. Yuzuru rolled his eyes and repeated again. 'HELP ME' now his face pleading and Javier thought about some way to rescue his friend.

„Excuse me miss”. He stood up from the table and walked slowly towards the dancefloor. He giggled to himself and speed up.

„YUZU!” He run into his friend hugging him tightly around his neck. „I was searching for you sweetie.”

He gave him a quick peck onhis lips and Yuzuru was more than shocked. Javied looked up and down on blondie who were as confused.

„I’m sorry bitch but who the hell you think you are to flirting with MY man?!” Javier asked her eyebrown up and Yuzuru giggled as he understood his friend’s plan. Her jaw dropped to the floor.

„I’m sorry babe but we were only dancing.” Yuzuru got into his role quickly grabbing on Spaniard’s hand.

„I’ll be talking with you later and you may be sure no sex for a week!” Javier was playing his role perfectly with a serious expression. „We’re leaving!”

He walkjed off dragging his ‘boyfriend” with him. As soon as they left the club they both explodeded with laughter.

„IT WAS GENIUS!” Yuzuru snapeed between laughs.

„You didn’t know I’m such a good actor, did you?” Javier took a pose of a 100% gay and laughed again.

„You saw her face? Epic!” Yuzuru was truly amazed by his friend plan it was all worth to see that confused girl.

„Poor thing we can’t go back to the club now. Come on, we’ll but some beer and come to my house. Night is still young!”

 

* * *

 

 

One hour and 4 beers later they were lying at Javier’s king size bed drinking and watching TV. Yuzuru as the feet of the bed and Javier lying on the wall with his legs onto Yuzuru’s butt. They both felt the amount of alcohol in their head.

„I’m thinking…” Yuzuru broke a silence.

„Congratulations”. The other boy joked and Yuzu gave him killing stare.

„You know… Brian is gay and all and I wonder if kissing a guy is different from kissing a girl.” Japanese boy rolled onto his back and tried to sit but almost fell from the bed. Javier catched him and helped to sit straight.

„I don’t know but I do not think there is much difference.” He replied placing empty bottle under the bed. Yuzuru came a little closer to his friend staring at him carefully.

„You didn’t kiss a guy before?” He was still looking at him without a blink banking his head to the side like a puppy.

„No I didn’t”. Javier seemed like he was thinking about something. „Do you want to try Yuzu?” He laughed at his own joke. Yuzuru was now looking into his eyes for a moment.

„Why not.” At that words he leaned placing his lips on the other boy’s one. Javier opened his eyes totally unexpecting that but he didn’t pushed him away. Yuzuru leaned more on his hands licking Javier’s lips and the older boy kissed him back. He felt all the thinking to the side and enjoyed the moment. He kissed him deeper feeling nice tension under Yuzuru’s smooth lips. It was feeling nice and when Javier thought about getting more of this the Japanese skater broke a kiss and licked his lips making Javier to shiver.

„You were right. There is no big difference between kissing you and my ex.” He said casually and laid on a bed closing his eyes. „Beside the fact you were much better.” He murmered into the pillow but Javier heared him. He was staring on his younger friend confused the most in his life.

'What the hell was that…'

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really awkward chapter I think xD

Next morning Yuzuru woke up with a strong headache. He glared around messy room and found the bottle of water drinking all. After a moment he noticed a sleeping Javier with his head on bed and body on the floor. 'Why he is not sleeping in a bed?' Yuzuru put his eyebrown up staring at his friend. They slept in the same bed once and Javier didn't seem to has a problem with it back then. Japanese boy shook his head and thought that maybe he was too drunk to lay in the bed. He didn't remember how and when he fell asleep. Yuzuru stared at his reflection on big mirror in bathroom and touched his red and plump lips. He touched them softly and gasped.  
"OH MY GOD". All the memories of last night came back. He messed his hair and hit the sink with his head. "I kissed him. Why the hell did I kiss him?!" Yuzuru put his head out of the bathroom to make sure Javier was still sleeping and sat onto the bathtube thinking hard about what did happen. He looked in the mirror again and licked his lips. He didn't remember why he did that but he remember Javier was good. The boy shivered and decided to take a cold shower to calm him down.

Yuzuru sighed in relief when he saw still quietly snoring Javier when he went out from a bathroom. He stared at the Spanish skater, at his long eyelashes, slightly parted lips and brown curls... He quickly decided to clean the house to stop thinking about him and their kiss. He forgot the fact he is the most clumsy person if it goes to cleaning and after a minute he pushed the bottle from the table making a lot of noise and waking up Javier. The older boy looked up at him with his eyes half-closed and yawned. Yuzuru gulped and laugh histerically.

"You woke up?" Yuzuru mentally slapped himself for acting like a total idiot. "I wanted to help you with cleaning but I suck in it so I guess I'll be going." He quickly gather all his stuff and ran to the door. "BYE!" He throwed ranning out from the flat leaving Javier too sleepy to get to remember what happened and why his friend was acting so odd.

* * *

Later the same day Yuzuru came to the rink, big bottle of water with him. He felt terrible with a strong hangover but he did everything not to show his state to his coach. At the moment he entered Javier just landed his quad toe and Brian clapped.

"Okay it will be everything for today. Good job Javier". Their coach said placing his hand on Javier's shoulder. Japanese skater gave his friend a glare and he could see the dark circles under his eyes after last night. Javier smiled noticing the other boy and walked to him exchanging a high five with him.

"You look terrible". He whispered giggling and Yuzuru bumped him lightly.

"Shut up". Yuzuru snapped feeling like he is becoming red and Javier laughed a little on his way to the locker room. Japanese boy glared at him for a last time feeling tickling in his stomach trying to control him blushing like a teenager seeing his crush. He shook his head and paid all his attention to Brian who was already talking about today's training.

 

*

After training Yuzuru was all alone in a locker room staring at the wall and thinking about Javier. It seemed like the older boy didn't remember their kiss.

'Or he just don't give a fuck about it". He thought and felt dissapointment. Javier was the 2nd person Yuzuru had ever kissed and he always wanted it to mean something. Even if he was drunk he should think before kissing a random person who happened to be his friend and team mate. He sighed and came back to dress up when Elene entered the locker room.

"Hi Yuzu! What's up?" She greeted him nicely coming to her locker.

"I have a mental hangover". Yuzuru replied placing his head onto his knees. Elene was his close friend so she was the right person to share his thoughts with. Elene gave him a look and smirked.

"Not only mental I see". She closed her locker and sat next to Yuzuru taking his hand into her like he always did when they had one of that serious conversations. Yuzuru truly loved Elene and treated her like older sister who always takes care of him. 

"I kissed Javier". He whispered but Elene could hear him clearly.

"WHAT?!"

"Oh my god Elene shut up!" Yuzuru scoled her and she stared at him trying to understand what just her friend said.

"Why you kissed him? When?" She was clearly in shock.

"Last night. We were drunk and I just said something about if kissing a guy is different that kissing a girl and I just did it". Japanese boy was really calm and said it as if it was the most typical thing in the world.

"How did he reacted?" Elene was having her own interview to understand whole situation fully.

"Normal. I mean he didn't do anything and today he just act like nothing happened". Yuzuru finished and took a big sip of a water. "I know that we were drunk so it's nothing but I just had to tell someone about it".

Elene nodded few times and remained silent.

"I now I shouldn't do that but nothing happened, right?" Yuzuru wasn't as calm as he was earlier and he was looking and his friend waiting for an answer.

"You know Yuzu..." She started with a serious tone and he worried about what she was going to say next. "I don't think nothing happened". Yuzuru blinked few times confused. Elene sighed before continue.

"When you are drunk you are doing things you always wanted to do but you didn't have courage for that". She said still serious and Yuzuru gulped as he heard the thing he didn't want to hear the most. "I mean look Yuzu. How many girlfriend did you have?"

"One, two years ago but what's the point?" A boy still was staring at her dumbfounded.

"You're 19 years old. You spend most of your time with Javier not only during training but also at your free time and tell me when was the last time you were attracted by a girl?" Elene asked but Yuzuru wasn't listening anymore.

"Are you saying I'm gay and I'm attracted by Javier?" He was angry and Elene didn't remember seeing him like this ever.

"Yuzu..."

 

"No! What the hell? Are you really think I could be a gay? No I'm not and I will never been it's just disgusting!" Yuzuru yelled at Elene before noticing he wasn't looking at him but at a door. He turned around to see Brian with sadness and dissapointment into his eyes. Yuzuru felt terrible. That look Brian gave him was the worst thing he ever seen. Like a heartbroken father. He wanted to say anything but he couldn't find right words. 

"Elene come on. We have to start our training". Brian said and left the room.

* * *

Javier was laying in his bed naked listening to his own breath. He glared at the sleeping Cortney next to him. He caress her cheek. He was so lucky to have her next to him. She was a perfect girl that every guy was dreaming about so why he couldn't be just happy. His body was next to her but his mind was with that boy with honest smile kissing him out of sudden like they were only two in whole world. 

He felt guilty and he know he truly was. He thought that having a wild hot sex with Cortney would make him forget that kiss and Yuzuru as a whole but it just made him feel even worse.

He was slowly driffting away when he heard a sudden heavy knocking to the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next uptade tomorrow! 
> 
> I have no idea what I'm writing XD But I'm having a great fun with that story. I know that Yuzuru in my story is a bit different than that innocent, kind, sweet Yuzuru in other fanfics but I hope you like him that way because I really do!
> 
> Thank you for reading and kudos from a bottom of my heart! <3 Love ya!


	3. Chapter 3

Javier took his trousers from the floor and half naked walked to check the door. He glared at the clock which was hanging in anteroom. It was near 11pm. He opened the door carefully to see Yuzuru at the other side.

 „Are you sleeping?” Yuzuru asked with an awkward tone.

„No, I can't sleep”. Javier wasn't angry at his friend for interrupting him that late he was just scared why Yuzuru was here.

„Yeah me too...” Japanese boy's eyes stopped at Javier's perfect muscles and he felt like his blushing. „Can we talk Javi?”

 Javier looked back at his girlfriend peacefully sleeping.

 „Cortney is here”. He said but that look Yuzuru gave him was killing him from inside. „Wait here I will get dressed and we'll go for a walk, ok?”

 Younger boy smiled and nodded with charm of 5 years old and Javier couldn't help but caress his cheek before closing the door.

 

* * *

 

 

Boys came to the solitary at this hour park near to Javier's house. They were walking for more than 15 minutes now but both of them remained silent.

„Yuzu so what are you want to talk about?” Javier finally broke a silence tired of the awkwardness of whole situation. Yuzuru cleared his throat began to walk a little bit faster.

„About last night”. He murmured but loud enough for Javier to hear.

„I don't want to talk about it”. The older boy quickly replied and Yuzuru felt even worse.

„I'm sorry Javier. I felt terrible about it so I wanted to say I'm sorry, this should never happened”. Yuzuru turned to face his friend and search for a smile or understanding at his face.

„I know. You were drunk, let's just forget about it”. Javier patted the other boy at the back and Yuzuru sighed with a relief.

„Good to hear that”.

Japanese boy smiled and sat at the bench. Javier joined him and the tension between them dissapeared. They both chatted about daily stuff like they always do. Javier laid back at the bench and looked at the stars. The night was nice, warm and most important, the sky was clear. He always been an owl lazy in the mornings and active at night so he felt good.

„Javi...” Yuzuru sat straight at the bench and pinned his eyes into Javier. The older boy somehow felt scared of what is in his friend's mind. „I know I was drunk but why...”

„Yuzu please, why you are talking about it again?”

„Why didn't you push me away?” Javier was taken back by Yuzuru sudden question. Japanese boy wasn't taking his eyes out of him.

„I...” Spaniard opened his mouth but couldn't find right words. He felt so small under Yuzuru's eyes. He tried to answer that question to himself before trying to say anything to Yuzu.

Why didn't he pushed him? Why didn't he break a kiss? He had a flashback of that kiss. He remembered that soft lips of Yuzuru and that gentle kiss, much different from kisses with Cortney. He looked up at the sparkle eyes which were still staring at him. Tension between them was really thick. He was feeling breathless looking at that attractive feature in front of him. Yuzuru wasn't thinking much and grabbed Javier's face with his hands placing a kiss on his still slightly parted lips. Javier smiled into other boy's lips and slightly pulled him closer. He was so glad Yuzuru had more courage to start their kiss again. He kiss him deeper hungrily with his hands travelling over younger boy's back. That kiss was different than their first. It was more passionate, more forward and full of sexual tension.

When they finally broke a kiss to catch a breath their eyes were still linked.

„I'm not drunk this time Javier”. Yuzuru snapped still breathless. He said it more to himself than Javier. He smiled weakly still with uneasy feeling. That was wrong for so many reasons. They were best friends, Javier had a girlfriend, they were training together and the most important, both of them were guys.

 

* * *

 

 

For the next week boys acted different. They were very clingy to each other even during trainings, exchanging meaningfull looks and showering together everyday. Two days after a kiss in a park they had first sex, very passionate one and both of them finishing moaning and screaming with pleasure. They were perfect for each other understanding their needs and wants. Sex with Cortney never made him that satisfied.

Yuzuru on the other hand was literally flying with happiness. He felt loved and there is no better feeling to have your best friend and lover in the same person.

They didn't think about future and both of them was avoiding the topic of Cortney until the 2nd week of their wild and hot romance.

Yuzuru was laying at Javier's torso breathing with the air still full of the smells of sweat, cum and Javier's perfume. He was drawing circles with his finger onto Javier's stomach and prayed to be able to stay like that forever but life wasn't that perfect.

„Yuzu, don't you think it's a time to have a serious conversation?” Javier broke the precious moment and Japanese boy looked up at him with slightly worried eyes. „You know... about future.”

Yuzuru sat straight and glared at his lover. His tone didn't sound good and he was more and more worried about Javier's point.

„I love the time with you. It's perfect and I never thought the other boy would give me that amount of hapiness and pleasure but...”

Yuzuru felt a stab in his stomach at the 'but' part. He didn't want it to over. He couldn't let all of this to end like that.

„I still love Cortney”. The other stab but this time stronger hit Yuzuru but he didn't let it visible. „I want to be with her but I don't want to loose you as well”.

Javier took younger boy's hand and kissed her before placing it on his cheek still warm.

„I don't want to hurt you so I had to tell you I'm not going to broke up with Cortney”. Final punch hit Yuzuru.

Javier never will be his. He knew it from the very beggining so why it hurts so much now? It was always a lust and desire with no feelings in it.

Yuzuru smiled and kissed Javier.

„Of course. It's just sex. I know it”. Javier smiled at his words and kissed him back.

„You're best Yuzu”. He giggled and laid back tired after their long ride. Yuzuru smiled bright. Even if insides he was breaking apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will write sex scene in near future trust me. I just wasn't ready XD


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I wasn't uploading for some time... School is killing me but thanks God for weekend!   
> This chapter is a little longer so I hope you will enjoy!

Next day Yuzuru came to the rink half an hour earlier and searched for Brian. Coach was sitting in his office drinking his morning coffee and fixing students schedules when heared quiet knocking.

"Come in". Brian called not taking his eyes from the computer.

"Coach, can I talk with you for a second?" He recognized Yuzuru and glared at him without emotions.

"If you mean that schedule problem I'm trying to fix it now". Coach came back to his work not paying much attention to him. He still couldn't forget his words about being disgusting. He got used to hearing harsh words and not being accepted by everyone but he never thought Yuzuru may be one of them.

"Brian I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything". Japanese boy started defending himself but he saw that Brian heared excuses like this very often. Yuzuru sighed and sat in front of his coach. He bit his lip and said. "I was scared. I didn't have much experience in dating because I spend most time on the rink and having to face the fact I'm different and I can find men attractive scared me to death".

Brian closed his laptop and gave Yuzuru a look. He was in shock. He knew him well but he didn't notice he could be attracted to boys. He couldn't notice him being attracted to anyone to be honest. How could he missed the fact Yuzuru is 19 years old and skating may not be his whole world and here in different country he could be just lost in his own feelings

"Being different is your biggest charm Yuzu. You're one of a kind and you'll always be". Brian smiled with fatherly love and care. "You were brave enough to leave everything and moved to a different country to train but you won't be brave enough to face the fact you're gay?"

Yuzuru looked at him with a grimase. He felt weird to be called gay but the truth were he was fucking with Javier so definitely he was a gay after all. Japanese boy sighed in a relief seeing his coach smiling again. For a moment they stayed silent.

"It is Javier?" Brian asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Is Javier the one you are attracted to?" Yuzuru gulped and felt like his cheeks were burning.

"Of course not". He laughed trying to seem natural but he was pretty bad in lying. "He is with Cortney. I would be just extremely stupid to fell for him". At the outside he was laughing but inside he was falling apart.

* * *

 

The time flew. It was already after olympics and 4 month since their 'relationship' started. Yuzuru was emotionally destroyed. Javier was like an addiction to him. He knew it's destroying him but he couldn't live without Javier. So he agreed. Every time since that day.

 

It was Friday and they wasn't supposed to meet that day. Yuzuru was sitting at the balcony smoking a cigarette. He knew it was terrible for his health but he had to find some way to relief his stress. He wasn't smoking a lot, 2-3 cigarette a day, usually after Javier left his house. He looked down at the city shivering a little after a strong blow of the wind. He was only wearing shorts and oversized black hoodie Javier left one day in his apartment. The sounds of the city were loud enough to make the sound of knocking drowned by it. He left the door opened so Javier entered his apartment without permission.

"What the hell are you doing?" Spaniard groaned throwing out a ciggarette Yuzuru was holding in his hand. Japanese looked at him with eyes opened widely because he didn't expect him here.

"I'm not a kid anymore Javier". Yuzuru snapped taking out new ciggarette from a package of Marlboro Gold.

"You have an Asthma idiot! What the fuck happened to you?!" Javier was shouting at him very mad but Yuzuru was standing still.

"It's none of your business". Younger boy was angry as well. It was his fault he was smoking and now he dare yelling at him for that. He lit up exhaling the smoke right into Javier's face. The older boy catched his hand and squeezed it strongly dragging smaller boy closer to him. The fierce in his eyes scared Yuzuru, he never seen Javier like that and he felt so small and weak with him grasping on his wrist painfully.

"Everything that has to do with you is my fucking business". Spanish boy said with a harsh voice only few inches from Yuzuru's face. Japanese boy was staring into his lover's eyes without blinking. He gulped feeling Javier's heavy breath.

"You are scaring me..." The younger boy's voice wasn't louder than a whisper. Javier let out his wrist and the ciggarette Yuzuru was previously holding fell on the floor. They were staring into each other eyes for a moment, Javier's blood was still boiling from anger but he wasn't sure why he was that mad.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Yuzu". Javier whispered to his ear hugging him tightly. Yuzuru body still tensed but he laid his head onto the other's shoulder. "I had an awful day. I had a quarrel with Cortney and you just had to pissed me out even more".

Japanese boy backed a little releasing himself from a hug. He felt a strong bump into his stomach. He didn't come here for him he came because Cortney kicked him out.

"Come on Yuzu I really need this tonight". He stepped to him and kissed his neck while his hand placed on the other's bare thights. Yuzuru gasped at the feeling of Javier's lips on his skin. He shut his eyes hard and pushed him away lightly.

"No". He said with a weak voice to confused Javier.

"What?" Javier was clearly shocked to hear Yuzuru refusing for the first time.

"No". He repeated stronger this time. Javier blinked few times and bit his lips. Desire running through his whole body making him to breath heavily.

"Come on Yuzu. I said I'm sorry for earlier". Javier couldn't control himself any longer. He grabbed Yuzu and pinned him to the wall kissing him hungrily. His hands traveling all over the younger's body.

"Javier stop". Yuzuru whined trying to release himself but Spaniard were much stronger. Javier pushed him harder and he rubbed his croach with his knee making Yuzuru to moan. "No Javier. I don't want!"

He was trying to push him off but the older boy wasn't letting go. He was mad and scared but couldn't help moaning as Javier was rubbing his private parts and kissing and bitting his neck.

"FUCK OFF!" Yuzuru gathered all his strenght to push Javier off him. Javier still had lust in his eyes and was patting heavily. "What the hell are you thinking? You really think you can fuck me like some cheap bitch because Cortney didn't let you to fuck her?"

Yuzuru was screaming, he wasn't cute and innocent Yuzu anymore. He felt broken in milion pieces and nobody never hurt him as much as Javier did right now. Spanish boy was standing in front of Yuzuru with scare in his eyes. He started to understand how did he act. He never want to hurt Yuzuru. He was lost in his passion and feelings.

"Yuzu but we agreed..."

"I never agreed to be treated like a piece of shit, Javier!” All the emotions he was hiding for a past few weeks exploded. He was hitting Javier's chest feeling and the older boy took his wrist into his hands but this time softly with care. Yuzuru was crying loudly feeling helpless. "I do not belong to you Javi! I'm not your fucking toy!”

Javier couldn't find any right words to reply him and Yuzuru shook his head and release his hands.

"Get out!" Yuzuru shouted pointing at the door. Javier didn't want to leave like that. He wanted to explain himself, to apologize Yuzu and pretend all of that didn't happen. He didn't want to leave him.

"Yuzu please I didn't..."

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" He took the first thing he had next to him and threw the ashtray into his direction. The glass broke at the wall behind Javier few inches from his body. The older boy was in complete shock. His friend was a person who rarely got angry at anything and he wasn't himself acting like that. Yuzuru was shaking from anger and crying. Javier didn't have courage to say or do anything and just left the aparment with a loud crack of the door.

Yuzuru stood numb for a while then started to clean the glass all over the floor. He was picking up pieces of glass and one of them cut his hand and Yuzuru cried loudly like he never did before. He didn't even tried to calm himself down, he just let all of the pain flew out of his body and soul.

* * *

 

Next day Yuzuru woke up with a headache. It was already 9am and his training was supposed to start at 10 but he didn't have a strength to meet Javier. He was heartbroken, definitely not in mood to train as well. He picked up his phone and searched for a Brian's number. He knew it wasn't in his style to call out a training but he was going to make up some story about fever and a flu.

"Hi coach, I'm so sorry but I won't be able to come for a training today. I catched a cold and..."

"Yuzu what happened?” Brian didn't sound worry but more angry. "Javier called to cancel his training as well. So what the hell happened?"

Yuzuru remained silent and sighed loudly to phone giving up on lying.

"You have to come to rink today. But do not take a skates I just want to talk". Brian didn't sounding angry anymore but his tone was serious.

"But Javier...”

"No, only you and me but don't dare not to come, ok?"

"Yeah coach..." Yuzuru replied softly and threw his phone at bed next to him. He trust his coach but he was still nervous Javier will be there anyway. Still he decided to go.

 

At half past 11 he was standing in front of Brian's office breathing in and out trying to calm himself down. He finally entered the room and sighed with relief when he found Javier wasn't inside.

"Good to see you, I was scared you won't come". Brian smiled at his student walking out from the desk and sat again at the coach im the middle of the room. He asked Yuzuru to sit showing at the armchair with his hand. Japanese boy sat and started to play with his hands awkwardly.

"Yuzu, I see what is happening between you two but I decided your personal life isn't my business but since it started to ruin my training I just had to react". Brian was looking straight at Yuzuru with calm expression but his eyes seemed different. "But training isn't the most important. I'm just worried about you. I worry someone will get hurt".

"What... what do you mean?" Yuzuru had no idea what Brian knew and why did he know anything.

"I'm walking on the Earth long enough to see that you had sex. More than once". Brian laughed seeing Yuzuru's cheeks getting the most intense shade of red. "Anyway I know both of you way too well not to see something has changed".

"But how?" Yuzuru was sure no one will see. They were acting like always and beside one 'accident' in locker room they never even kissed each other at rink.

"Oh Yuzu, that looks you were giving him during trainings, that small brushes of hands I was able to notice and that almost visible sexual tension between you". Brian made Yuzuru speechless of how good he knew them. „And you were pretty loud that day in locker room. Tracy heard you too.” Brian couldn't help but giggled at Yuzu's innocent look.

"But... it's over I think so you don't have to worry". Yuzuru said looking outside the window. "Can you just make our schedule... different?"

Yuzuru was feeling that stab in his chest talking about Javier and their 'relationship'.

"But do you really want to end this?" Brian asked and Yuzuru stormed him with his eyes.

"It was only sex. I have nothing to end because we were just sleeping with each other.” Yuzuru was talking very fast as his vision blurred because of tears. „I will go now Brian. Can we talk about schedule later?”

He wasn't waiting for an answer from Brian but just left the office trying hard not to cry. He was looking at the floor so anyone could see his wet eyes. He was hiding his eyes that well that he wasn't paying attention where is he going. Then he bumped into someone with a fast speed so he fell on the floor right at his butt.

„Yuzu!” The voice he knew very well called his name. He looked up to see Javier with huge dark circles under his eyes showing he didn't sleep well last night. Spaniard kneeled next to Yuzuru who was still sitting on a floor and without any warning he hugged his tightly. This hug wasn't like their usuall there were much more emotions in it. It took Yuzuru a moment to get back to his sense but he stayed still. „I'm so sorry Yuzu. I can't loose you like this I just can't.”

He was whispering to the other boy's ear hugging him even stronger. They stayed like this for about minute before Javier stood up and dragged Yuzuru with him to place nobody from stuff were coming. He gave him a look searching for any answer.

„Please Yuzu say something. I don't know what to think. I couldn't sleep all night because I was scared I would loose you forever.” Javier took his hand and placed it at his cheek. „You always been my best friend and now you became someone more but I just don't know what's happening between us anymore.”

„Please leave me alone Javier.” Yuzuru finally spoke up ready to leave but Javier didn't let him.

„Do you think it's easy for me? I'm confused too. I'm lost in my feelings which I can't really explain or ever name but I know one thing, I NEED YOU.” Javier wasn't taking his eyes from the younger boy still holding his hand. A small shade of a smile appeared on Yuzuru's face as he heard the last three words. He caress Spaniard's face with the other hand before placing a soft kiss on his lips. It was all he needed to hear. That few small words were enough to made him feel loved and made him stay with Javier for as long as he couldn't even if he knew things won't change. But he were needed for the first time in his life.


	5. Chapter 5

"My back hurt as fuck". Yuzuru whined entering his apartment. He threw his training bag at the floor and hang out the keys.

"Watch your language kid!" Javier who came in after him scolded his friend taking off his jacket and shoes.

"Oh I'm sorry not sorry, fuck you." Yuzuru shouted from the kitchen and giggled. He took the bottle of water from a frindge and drunk half of it with one sip. "Shit but it really hurts! I know there are Worlds soon but that Brian's training is mad!"

Yuzuru tiptoed in front of cupboard to take a glass when a pair of strong arms hugged him from behind. He chuckled at a feeling of a kiss on the back on his neck.

"Where did my cute Yuzu go? He left swearing sex god instead". Javier placed one more kiss on his neck before Yuzuru turned around to face him.

"Tell me you don't like it". He teased with a smirk kissing the other boy with passion.

"I love it". Spaniard laughs through the kiss, his hand travelling all over younger boy's back while the other boy was stroking his chest under a t-shirt. He felt the familiar tickling in a stomach and he kissed him deeper and harder. He grabbed Yuzuru's hips and lift him up placing him on a cupboard traling down to his collarbones. Yuzuru was breaving heavily into Spaniard's dark hair as the older boy took his shirt off and started placing kisses all over his chest. He came back to his lips tasting hungrily the other's saliva and fighting with a tongue for a dominance. Yuzuru's legs tied behind Javier's back and the older boy lift him up once again and dragged him to dining room without breaking a kiss he laid him down on the table and Yuzuru threw the vase on the floor accidentaly making a loud break. They were hungry of each other's body, panting loudly and forgetting about whole world just being here and now. Javier took his own shirt off letting Yuzuru to enjoy his perfect body for a second before coming back to kissing all over smaller boy's body. Younger boy moaned as he felt the bulge in Javier's pants at his own crotch. His hand travelled down on his back getting into the other jeans squezzing his ass cheeks and pushing his hips closer to his own. The older boy's breath speed up and he bit Japanese boy's neck leaving a red mark. Yuzuru gasped at a pain but it turned him on like never. His hands came to the other boys zipper taking down his pants with a few quick moves exposing his erection. He licked his lips seductively and it was enough for Javier to go crazy. He pushed him and the table and without breaking a kiss he took off the other boy's pants. He looked deep into Yuzuru's eyes searching for a permission and after a small almost unnoticeable nod he took his cock into hand and without breaking the stare he bumped into his lover with one move making Yuzuru to threw his head back with a load moan. Japanese boy leaned onto his lover bitting his neck to cover his loud moaning as Javier was thrusting into him with increasing tempo.

"I want to hear you Yuzu". Javier panted between breaths and Yuzuru let go of his neck letting himself moan and groan with every next thrust.

"Oh fuck... Javi!" He screamed as he hit the sweet spot into his body. Yuzuru was a moaning and screaming mess shouting his name on the top of his lungs as Javier was hitting it over and over again. Javier took Yuzuru's cock into hands and pumping it along with his thrusts taking his lover at the edges of pleasure.

"Yuzu..." He moaned into his lover ear feeling him close to ending when Yuzuru muscles clenched over his cock leading him to the best orgasm he ever had.

"I love you Yuzu. I love you so fucking much." Javier was growning as they were screaming and moaning together feeling an unlimited pleasure of coming at the same time. The fell onto each other sweaty and breathless. It took him a while to comeback to their senses after orgasm like that. Javier gave him a last kiss full of affection before he stood up to take his pants on. Yuzuru stayed at the table for a moment looking at Javier who went to a bedroom and then he used his shirt to whipe off a cum from his stomach. Spaniard took a clean clothes he left in Yuzuru's wardrobe and went to take a shower. When he left the bathroom he found Yuzuru on the balcony smoking.

"Yuzu you know I hate when you are smoking." Javier went out and hugged him taking the cigarette out of his hand and smoked too. Yuzuru looked at him quite suprised.

„You said that cigarette after a good sex is best.” Spaniard laughed softly and Yuzuru just took his cigarette back finishing itand glared at his lover who was still having him in his arms.

"Can you stay tonight?" The younger boy asked softly with a hope in his voice. His dark eyes seemed bigger than usually and gaving Javier a look of a puppy. He let out a loud sigh.

"You know I can't." He said like he would explain to a little kid why his mom have to go to work. He caressed the younger boy's cheek and a bitter smile appeared on the other boy's face.

"Javi please, can't you just make something up and stay for that one time?" Yuzuru sounded more like pleading than asking. Javier gave him a peck on a lips.

"Not tonight baby." He saw like Japanese boy's face became sad and dissapointed. "I promised I'll be back earlier that I...”

"So promise to me too.” Yuzuru didn't let him finish his sentence. He wasn't taking his eyes from the other boy even for a second. „Promise me you'll stay on Saturday."

"But how you imagine it?" Spanish boy wasn't sure about that idea. He was scared to bond with Yuzuru too much. Their relationship shouldn't get too serious, it shouldn't become any kind of relationship at all.

"Tell her about some kind of 'weekend training camp' we had something like that last year." Younger boy was determinated to make Javier stay. He kissed him seductivly to persuade him. „Please Javi.”

Spaniard licked his lips and glared at his boy from head to toe. He sighed giving up as desire won the inside battle with guilt.

"I'll try." He said making Yuzuru to smile widely. This is why it was all worth it. Worth all that lies, feeling guilty and sleepless nights. When he was seeing Yuzuru smiling like this nothing really matters.

"But I really have to go now." He added and placed a soft kiss on Yuzuru's lips and forehead. Then he left the house walked by younger boy to the door.

* * *

 

"Are you sure you have everything?" Worried Cortney asked while she was packing Javier few sandwiches to his bag.

"Honey I'm coming for two days not a whole month." Javier chuckled kissing his girlfriend on her forehead.

"I still think it's weird to send you for training camp right before worlds championships." Cortney kneeled on the floor checking his bag again to make sure if he didn't forget to bring some stuff like towels, running shoes or most important his skates.

"You know that Brian has a lot of weird ideas but he knows his job well." The boy said quickly trying to avoid her eyes. She was a skater too so it wasn't easy to fool her about training. Javier explained the difference by coaches and the fact she is an ice dancer. He felt terrible to lie just into her eyes when everything she was doing was for him.

"Yuzu is coming too, right?" She asked standing up. "It's so nice that you have a friend in him."

"What do you mean?" Javier gulped.

"You know, you are not alone during camps and championships when I can't be with you." She gave him her best warmest smile and he felt like she just kicked him right in the stomach. He couldn't find right words to reply because everything sounded bad and suspiciously in his head so he just fake smiled taking his bag from the floor.

"I'll be going now." Javier stormed to the door wanting to go out as fast as possible. He couldn't stand looking at Cortney knowing that in an hour he's going to fuck Yuzuru and spend a whole night with someone else since he met Cortney 2 years ago.

"Javi, you forgot something." She called after him and he turned just to feel her small lips on his. It felt different. Not better or worse just different in every possible way. They were different even if they were just at the same age Cortney was more mature and tried to act 'adult' all the time while Yuzuru was still a child with a lot of youthful energy and the only thing he was taking seriously was training. But to know his true self you have to spend a lot of time with him while Cortney is just Cortney, always honest.

She sended him out with a stare and waved to him when he entered the elevator. She came back in and sat on a sofa turning on the tv to watch some stupid girly tv series. After an hour of doing nothing just laying she eventually got bored and decided to clean a kitchen and make herself a dinner for one, again. The apartment seemed empty without Javier's loud laugh and excited screams when he was watching a Spanish league. He was a guest in his own house and Cortney felt more and more lonely everyday. But she understood, or at least she tried to. She knew his skating and career was in totally different level and she would never admit it out loud but she often felt talentless and worthless next to his boyfriend. He was an European champion, few inches from bronzr in Sochi and strong canditat for a medal on Worlds while she was still in junior without any achievent far from top on European. It wasn't like she wasn't happy for Javier. She was, happy and extremely proud seeing him on a podium but she just felt like she doesn't deserve him. Like she wasn't good enough.

When she was waiting for pasta to boil she heard the ring. She immediately took out her phone from his pocket but it wasn't it. She went to the living room she noticed Javier's phone left on the cupboard.

„Why I'm not suprised.” She sighed and smiled to himself at the fact how forgetful her boyfriend was. The message appeared at the screen and she took it to check. They never had problem with trust so she didn't find anything wrong in checking the message.

_*From: Elene*_

_'Hey, do you have your training at 5 at Sunday? Can you switch with me for tomorrow? I have mine at 2. Please ;*'_

Normal message from his training mate. If there wasn't the fact Javier is supposed to be on camp and Elene couldn't not to know about this. In fact it would be more natural for her to go as well. Cortney read it again to make sure she meant tomorrow not next week or any other day. Something seemed not right. She trusted Javier like no one in the world but the feeling inside her was saying to her that he wasn't honest that time. She took her phone to call Yuzuru but then she decided calling Brian would be much better. If Javier had something to hide his friend would probably cover him up so his coach was a perfect choice.

„Halo?” After 3rd ring Brian picked up the phone.

„Hi Brian, Cortney's here. I'm sorry to bother you...” The girl greeted him nicely. She knew Javier had very good contact with his coach but she wasn't really knowing him. They talked few times and she called him once when Javier was in hospital.

„Oh Cortney, how are you? Something happened?” Brian asked nicely but he was a bit scared something bad happened again.

„Javier forgot his phone, is he around you somewhere?”

„No, why?” Coach was confused. Javier had free Saturdays so how in the world he was supposed to be with him at that moment.

„You didn't get to the camp place yet?” Cortney was starting to worry and the bad feeling inside was screaming now. Brian didn't reply at first. The long paused could be heared on the other side and she felt like she's going to explode in a moment.

„Oh yes! The camp, right right.” He finally spoke. „But I had to stay with juniors here in the club.”

She wasn't satisfied with his tone because he sound unsure about his words.

„Tracey came with them. Yes, Tracey.” He added and sighed quietly.

„I'll call Yuzuru then. Thank you.” She sighed a little from a relief a little from the stress.

„No!” Brian shouted and cleaned his throat. „I mean, I was going to call them anyway so I will tell him to call you back, ok?”

„Yeah, thank you then. Sorry for interuping you.” She apologized and hanged up.

She sat back at the sofa and thought about the conversation with Brian. She was pretty suspicious about the way he was answering but what was the point for him to lie?

„You're paranoid Cortney.” She frowned to herself and came back to her already overcooked pasta.

* * *

 

„You're stupid Javi. She is the killer!” Yuzuru glared at his lover and rolled his eyes.

„Oh my god. She's not. He is!” Javier pointed at the screen where the serial killer took his mask reveling his face. „Told ya!”

Spaniard jumped on the bed and danced his victorious dance clearly amused by the fact he was right.

„I'm awesome!” Javier laughed as he kneeled in front of Yuzuru who pouted and crossed his arms on a chest.

„You're still stupid!” Yuzuru frowned and the other boy couldn't help but giggled at his cuteness. He was 19 but he still acted like a 5 years old.

„I am stupid? Try to tell that again!” Javier shouted before jumping onto Japanese boy tickling him and making to laugh uncontrollably. He laid onto his lover pinning him to bed as he kissed him passionately. Yuzuru kissed him back still chuckling a little tracing with his hands through Javier's muscular arms. He tensed a little when the other boy bit his ear lightly before kissing his neck. He was all his tonight. Not only for a moment and the fact that he would not leave tonight made him extremely happy. For the first time he could forget about Cortney, that she was kissing the same lips, touching the same body and getting the same pleasure Javier was going to give him that night.

„You're all mine tonight”. He whispered looking deeply into his eyes.

„I'm always yours”. Javier replied with a low voice kissing his forehead and Yuzuru could swear he never felt as good as in this moment. These few words gave him much more pleasure than he could ever get physically. They kissed again when Yuzuru's phone vibrate in his pocket.

„Oh Yuzu I see you brought toys to bed”. Javier brust in laughter and Yuzuru stormed him with a glare taking out his cellphone.

„It's Brian.” He read from the screen and Javier sat straight curious why he's calling.

„Halo?” Yuzuru answered the phone shyly.

„Give me Javier”. Coach said with a harsh voice without greetings. Yuzuru blinked few times and hand his lover a phone who took it with confused look.

„Yeah?”

„You little piece of a shit!” He shouted loud enough for Yuzu to hear as well. „Or not even a little.”

„What the hell happened?” Javier was mad because he didn't understand a thing.

„Cortney called me.” Spaniard's face became pale in the second and he gulped loudly. „First news, you forgot your phone.”

„What did you tell her?” He asked terrified. It's going to be an end for him. He knew that weekend isn't good idea but Yuzuru was pressing. Brian let out a long sigh.

„You're working your ass off with Tracey on a camp”. Brian replied suprising Javier.

„Wh... Why? How did you know I'm with Yuzu?” How it's possible he didn't get caught?

„I didn't. I guessed that your relationship with Yuzuru is the cause of that awful lie.”

„You know?” Javier was in total shock because he was sure nobody know about them.

„Of course. Yuzuru didn't tell you? Nevermind, that's not the point.” Brian paused for a little and Javier noticed questioning look Yuzuru was giving him. „How could you lie to her like that?”

„It's not..”

„Let me finish. I know I can do nothing about you and Yuzu and it's none of my buisness but that's too much. Do not involve me and others into your sick lies!” Brian was shouting even if he was a type of a calm person. „I had to lie to her even if she didn't do anything wrong but you're my kids what the hell could I do?”

Javier wasn't brave enough to say anything. „It was first and last time. I hope you know how much you are hurting her. And not only her.” Javier messed his hair with the other hand frustated with all situation.

„I'm just so dissapointed with you.” With that words Brian hanged up.

„What happened? What did he say?” Yuzuru asked just as Javier put the phone away.

„Brian knows?” Older boy asked not looking at him.

„Yeah he...”

„Who else?”

„Tracey.” Yuzuru said softly seeing as his lover was getting angry.

„What the fuck Yuzu?! Why are you such an idiot to told them?!” He shouted making the other to crouch a little because of the volume of his voice.

„I didn't! They heard us that time in locker room.”

„And you didn't think that it would be nice to tell me about it?”Javier wasn't calming down instead he stood up from the bed.

„I get to know in that day when we had a fight and I was so excited that we get back together I just forgot.” Yuzuru tried to explain himself and calm down his partner so he also stood up and took his hand into his.

„WE ARE NOT TOGETHER!” Javier burst out pushing Yuzuru away suddenly with a lot of strenght that he fell at the wall behind him.

„So how the fuck would you call that?” Japanese boy explode as well.

„I don't know... fucking?!” Older boy laughed sarcastically.

„You won't come here for whole weekend if you would only want to fuck me.” Yuzuru got tired of being treated like a slut. „Did you really don't see I love you asshole?”

Smaller boy was fighting with himself not to cry and he clenched his fist.

„I love Cortney. Not you”. Javier said slowly and clearly after a short paused.

„It's not what you were screaming every night being with me!” Javier was taken a back for a moment by Yuzuru's sudden explossion. „You said you love me every night. Every fucking night, morning, afternoon when you were supposed to be with lovely Cortney!”

It was too much for Javier. He slapped his friend hard making him to stumble. Yuzuru looked up at him after a while with the amount of pain Javier never ever saw into human's eyes. He looked at the frech red mark on his cheek and he felt the urge to caress it and kiss out all the pain he gave him. He never felt as guilty as now.

„You hit me.” Japanase boy smirked painfully. „But it's not the worst. The worst is that the more you are hurting me the more I fallen for you.”

He walked away to take his jacket and a wallet from a cupboard in the kitchen. „But that's too much even for me.” He wear his shoes and opened the door.

„It's your fucking house.” Javier called after him.

„I don't care. I just don't want to see you here in the morning.” He left the house with a loud slam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The sex scene was lame. Whole chapter is lame. I'm sorry! Too much drama XD But don't worry it's not the end XD
> 
> I'm probably not going to post a new chapie before easter so...
> 
> HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! <3


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